Stupidity

So I have to be blatantly reminded why people as a collective are so stupid, myself included. I am in love with someone, who doesn't love me, but loves someone who doesn't love her. All of everything I have ever been wasn't good enough. Not that I am not blaming you. I would have dropped my lazy loser ass in a heartbeat too. I feel nothing but love and pity for you.
Love for only God knows why, I certainly don't.
Pity, because after all we had and built up you leave me for materialistic and physical things. The physical is the most sad because it is only temporary his hot body wont be so hot when you are both 60, and that the sex has been sub-par from your own admissions. The material is sad as well, I told you once that you had to find a "why" to make it, something to drive you. I only told you half of my why. I want to support my family and make for them a better lifestyle and growing environment than I had, but I also want to be successful and rich so I can rub it in your face. :( and I feel bad, because that is the single most selfish thought I have ever had and it makes me feel kinda evil to even think it.

I don't expect you to understand. I don't even expect you to read this. I know you better than most, as you know me. I have a lot to thank you for and I don't mean to attack you. If it wasn't for you I would not be anywhere near the person I am today. You built me a confidence that would hold back armies, and woke me up and kicked me in the ass when I was a loser and at the lowest point in my life. I have a lot of work to do and am off to a very late start but I know where I am going, and I take responsibility for being where I am so far behind. It isn't your fault I am where I am. I am exactly where I deserve to be.
Once again, and probably not the last time.
Thank you Karyn.

~Jim