Once again

Rascal Flats has an amazing way of writing songs that are just the way I am feeling. I am sure they do these songs just for me :P

I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more then you take.

Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

Touching

It is so shocking how someone can be so overwhelmed and emotional about someone they were never even in a relationship with. Never screamed at me over the phone, in fact we only argued a few times in the 8 years we were together and always respectfully. I read about the three parts of a relationship passion, intimacy, and commitment. Never talking about commitment but focusing on passion and intimacy. These two without commitment mean nothing. Anyone can be intimate and passionate with someone but without the commitment and the connection it really isn't worth any more than the sweat as it rolls off your bodies. When there is a true connection the commitment and passion should come first, followed by the intimacy. I know I am not an expert not even close, I am worse at relationships than anyone else. I believe what I believe and I have already made a commitment, and I think I have doomed myself to a very long and lonely life.

I am a rock... crumbling because I cannot move.

Chemistry

Listening to the radio John Tesh tells us that when you are first meeting someone you might like your body release chemicals dopamine and epinephrine.

These chemicals make you feel things. Dopamine will help you feel relaxed and happy. Make you feel feelings of nostalgia like you have known that person for a long time. Epinephrine can make you feel figgity or warm inside, flustered. Considering that you can get addicted to epinephrine from running I am assuming people can get addicted to these chemicals. People who are don't know why but they will want to go out and meet new people but grow quickly bored with them as their body stops releasing these hormones in defense. People probably associate these feelings with words like passion or chemistry, love at first sight. John Tesh also states that we look for features in our potential partners that remind of ways our parents made us feel. So it isn't that bad of a complaint if someone says you are like their parents. Unless there is something drastically wrong with their parents.

Lemonade

They say when Life hands you lemons to make lemonade. Well I have enough lemons to make the lemonade to flood the entire southern hemisphere.

the future

The future only holds in the palm of its hand that which you have put there. It doesn't pick up things on its on. You put in patience and are rewarded with success. Time and you are rewarded eternity. Love and you are returned love. A love so vast and encompassing and absolute that not even the darkest shadows of fear and doubt can dim the light within. Who is to say when the future will be or what it will hold for you better than yourself? So fill it to overflowing while you can.
~me 11-26-01

I was so naive and blind. Hope your future is all you wanted it to be. You sure have your hands full.

From men's health

Men's Health online.
"Dorm room confidential"

"Pregaming is where you go out first, get loosened up, and then have some fun somewhere else," says Shana, a gorgeous 21-year-old. "You don't even worry about who you're going to hook up with until later." The crew at UF also partied in a pattern: We started at someone's house, went club hopping, and then headed back home, where couples started peeling off. This pattern taps into a powerful form of psychological reinforcement and seduction, says Arthur Aron, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Stony Brook University, in New York.

"It's called misattribution of arousal," Aron says. "You attribute your current state of anxiety or arousal to the person you're with, instead of to the situation itself." In other words, as sensation-seeking students move from one location to another, they expose themselves to new environments, new people, new music, and new games (Guitar Hero and Wii Sports video games have usurped beer pong as of late), all of which keeps their minds and bodies in a state of arousal. Suddenly, the guy or girl who might have seemed only cute 4 hours ago has become smoking hot.

When this happened in college, you probably thought you had a case of beer goggles. But in reality, you simply had a flood of dopamine swishing around your midbrain. "Any kind of general arousal increases activity in the dopamine tract," says Elaine Hull, Ph.D., a professor of neuroscience at Florida State University. "This tract drives all motivated behavior. So if you're excited and in the presence of food, you'll want to eat. And if a prospective partner is present, it can motivate sexual behavior."

My cross

I hope you find someone that makes you very happy. I hope you find something real and full filling with someone that blows you away and sweeps you off your feet. When you do I will be jealous as hell and you know that. This is my cross to bear. A heavy one at that. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way but I cant change the past. I can forgive but I cant forget. I will look back sadly on but I will never regret the times we shared.

The book of life

I once thought I was going to be a part of your book of life. A main character at first. The sidekick to your protagonist. Maybe something of the comic relief or witty comment maker. Then when that fell apart I thought maybe a side note with a reference to a earlier time, a minor character that shows up every once and awhile. The story started out simple. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, live happily ever after. Right from the start there are complications as is true in any good story. The stories you remember and look back on for years to come. The complications weren't the problem. The problems began as the characters developed and changed. After this I realize that I wont be anything more than a chapter in your book of life. Albeit a long one it will still be lost in the many many chapters you are making for yourself. I hope your book is filled with adventure and daring, I know it has romance and intrigue. I hope you find your treasure and one day live happily ever after. I know my book of life will have very few chapters and I feel like the best has already been written, but there are always books that no one feels like reading.

Mika

I could be brown, I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be purple
I could be anything you like

Gotta be green, gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Walk out the door

Your best

I read somewhere. If someone cannot handle you at your worst, they do not deserve you at your best. It is so true. Someone who can laugh with you and sticks with you when you are down in the dumps, who lets you make your own mistakes when you need to. Someone who doesn't asks why just helps you hide the bodies. These are the people you should surround yourself with. These are the people that will be the greatest bonds in your life. The people you call when crap hits the fan. The people that if you are in trouble are probably sitting right next to you wondering who else you can call. I know I will always be there for you but you don't have to take my word for it. I am sure my actions speak much louder than my words. I know I have and most likely will again piss you off to no end, but you will always have me to talk to no matter what.
-jim

p.s. I know a perfect spot for the bodies.

Personality

Straight out of eHarmony. They have a analyzer that gives you a profile based on like 100 something questions. I am always a listener and a helper. Unfortunately some people believe this is only an ulterior motive and that I am always in it for something more. It makes me sad.

"Here's one important truth about you: you have a tender heart. Yes, you know that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior. And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their choices or circumstances.

But most of the time you are there to help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush."

why buy the cow

Single life is damn fun.

You’re a swinging bachelorette, your nights are nothing but body shots and hoping that “put your number in my phone” leads to “put your thingy in my hoohoo.” But most importantly, it’s a time to know yourself, your true wants and needs. Immediate fulfillment of desire is the name of the game, and because there’s no true investment in any particular individual, you’re free to explore the next hot piece that walks in the door.

Inevitably, however, restlessness will set in. There are only so many dark. loud places serving alcohol and only so many prospects who enjoy “going out, having fun, being with friends, or just hanging around”. Somewhere in between the morning walks of triumph/shame and evenings of lonely discontent, the whole scene becomes a cyclic deja vu starring a predictable roll of typecast players.

And at these times, you’ll be a lucky stiff to find that one of your flames has some lasting firepower. There’s a little something more there, and as sexy as the relationship began, the real attraction lies within underlying compatibility.

Now it’s prudent to unmount your head from its swivel and focus on a longer-term plan.

Why would anyone start a relationship with someone if they are able to get all the benefits of one without the commitment. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Stupidity

So I have to be blatantly reminded why people as a collective are so stupid, myself included. I am in love with someone, who doesn't love me, but loves someone who doesn't love her. All of everything I have ever been wasn't good enough. Not that I am not blaming you. I would have dropped my lazy loser ass in a heartbeat too. I feel nothing but love and pity for you.
Love for only God knows why, I certainly don't.
Pity, because after all we had and built up you leave me for materialistic and physical things. The physical is the most sad because it is only temporary his hot body wont be so hot when you are both 60, and that the sex has been sub-par from your own admissions. The material is sad as well, I told you once that you had to find a "why" to make it, something to drive you. I only told you half of my why. I want to support my family and make for them a better lifestyle and growing environment than I had, but I also want to be successful and rich so I can rub it in your face. :( and I feel bad, because that is the single most selfish thought I have ever had and it makes me feel kinda evil to even think it.

I don't expect you to understand. I don't even expect you to read this. I know you better than most, as you know me. I have a lot to thank you for and I don't mean to attack you. If it wasn't for you I would not be anywhere near the person I am today. You built me a confidence that would hold back armies, and woke me up and kicked me in the ass when I was a loser and at the lowest point in my life. I have a lot of work to do and am off to a very late start but I know where I am going, and I take responsibility for being where I am so far behind. It isn't your fault I am where I am. I am exactly where I deserve to be.
Once again, and probably not the last time.
Thank you Karyn.

~Jim