Sabotage

So it seems I can't help but screw myself. I lack self control and the ability to accomplish a rational thought. I push her farther away and am aware of the consequences but cant stop my efforts. I sabotage myself at every turn and have no one to blame but myself or a reasoning behind my actions. What is wrong with me. Maybe this is for the best. I don't want to be a stalker, doing everything I can to make sure you are doing ok. I really do apologize :( just forget about me and keep doing what you are doing. I am sure it is all for the better.