Once again

Rascal Flats has an amazing way of writing songs that are just the way I am feeling. I am sure they do these songs just for me :P

I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more then you take.

Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

Touching

It is so shocking how someone can be so overwhelmed and emotional about someone they were never even in a relationship with. Never screamed at me over the phone, in fact we only argued a few times in the 8 years we were together and always respectfully. I read about the three parts of a relationship passion, intimacy, and commitment. Never talking about commitment but focusing on passion and intimacy. These two without commitment mean nothing. Anyone can be intimate and passionate with someone but without the commitment and the connection it really isn't worth any more than the sweat as it rolls off your bodies. When there is a true connection the commitment and passion should come first, followed by the intimacy. I know I am not an expert not even close, I am worse at relationships than anyone else. I believe what I believe and I have already made a commitment, and I think I have doomed myself to a very long and lonely life.

I am a rock... crumbling because I cannot move.

Chemistry

Listening to the radio John Tesh tells us that when you are first meeting someone you might like your body release chemicals dopamine and epinephrine.

These chemicals make you feel things. Dopamine will help you feel relaxed and happy. Make you feel feelings of nostalgia like you have known that person for a long time. Epinephrine can make you feel figgity or warm inside, flustered. Considering that you can get addicted to epinephrine from running I am assuming people can get addicted to these chemicals. People who are don't know why but they will want to go out and meet new people but grow quickly bored with them as their body stops releasing these hormones in defense. People probably associate these feelings with words like passion or chemistry, love at first sight. John Tesh also states that we look for features in our potential partners that remind of ways our parents made us feel. So it isn't that bad of a complaint if someone says you are like their parents. Unless there is something drastically wrong with their parents.

Lemonade

They say when Life hands you lemons to make lemonade. Well I have enough lemons to make the lemonade to flood the entire southern hemisphere.

the future

The future only holds in the palm of its hand that which you have put there. It doesn't pick up things on its on. You put in patience and are rewarded with success. Time and you are rewarded eternity. Love and you are returned love. A love so vast and encompassing and absolute that not even the darkest shadows of fear and doubt can dim the light within. Who is to say when the future will be or what it will hold for you better than yourself? So fill it to overflowing while you can.
~me 11-26-01

I was so naive and blind. Hope your future is all you wanted it to be. You sure have your hands full.

From men's health

Men's Health online.
"Dorm room confidential"

"Pregaming is where you go out first, get loosened up, and then have some fun somewhere else," says Shana, a gorgeous 21-year-old. "You don't even worry about who you're going to hook up with until later." The crew at UF also partied in a pattern: We started at someone's house, went club hopping, and then headed back home, where couples started peeling off. This pattern taps into a powerful form of psychological reinforcement and seduction, says Arthur Aron, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Stony Brook University, in New York.

"It's called misattribution of arousal," Aron says. "You attribute your current state of anxiety or arousal to the person you're with, instead of to the situation itself." In other words, as sensation-seeking students move from one location to another, they expose themselves to new environments, new people, new music, and new games (Guitar Hero and Wii Sports video games have usurped beer pong as of late), all of which keeps their minds and bodies in a state of arousal. Suddenly, the guy or girl who might have seemed only cute 4 hours ago has become smoking hot.

When this happened in college, you probably thought you had a case of beer goggles. But in reality, you simply had a flood of dopamine swishing around your midbrain. "Any kind of general arousal increases activity in the dopamine tract," says Elaine Hull, Ph.D., a professor of neuroscience at Florida State University. "This tract drives all motivated behavior. So if you're excited and in the presence of food, you'll want to eat. And if a prospective partner is present, it can motivate sexual behavior."

My cross

I hope you find someone that makes you very happy. I hope you find something real and full filling with someone that blows you away and sweeps you off your feet. When you do I will be jealous as hell and you know that. This is my cross to bear. A heavy one at that. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way but I cant change the past. I can forgive but I cant forget. I will look back sadly on but I will never regret the times we shared.