This present darkness

There comes in a time in our lives when we are at the precipice of all we have ever known or been told is true. Behind us is the past and all the comforts and pain that it might hold. Ahead of us our path, our future is uncertain, it is dark and there is no way to know what it might hold. When the time comes to step off the precipice of all you know and into the dark, dark uncertainty that is your future we hope that either there will be something solid and supporting there for our feet to walk upon, or that we will be taught how to fly. It is hard to look upon that huge dark scar in your path and not feel any amount of fear at what the unknown holds. It is inevitable you will cross that line. You chose if it by your own will or if you are forced to do so by time. Will you stride confidently towards the looming darkness? Probably not, although you may do so with a few quick glances behind you.

Adorable

So darn cute.

Raining down on me

I miss the rain, or more specifically I miss storms. There is just something about storms that make me feel alive and powerful. I currently feel an intense need to just stand out in the rain and let its cold rivulets run down my body. I have been working like crazy, and now the new schedule has me working 1st 2nd and 3rd shift all in one week. As you can imagine this I am vehemently opposed to. I spoke with my new supervisor (which I feel is completely incompetant) and was told that he made the new schedule so he could have the weekends off, no lie, and it was to help get me off of a quick turn around. When I told him I was against it he said in a few weeks after some event he has going on some weekend we will switch back to the old schedule. I dont know how many people know my old schedule but it was also horrid. I worked 2nd shift mon, 3rd shift tues, wed, and then 2nd on thurs, fri. This was a bad setup because between 3rd on wed and 2nd on tues was only a 8 hour gap. It takes me between 35-45 minutes to drive each way every day. Now I suppossedly have thursday and friday off, but work until 7am on thursday. So no I am not ignoring you if I dont reply to a text or an IM, I am just totally fricken burning out.

I just need to feel a storm.

Society

Our society today is going insane. A woman from Oklahoma sued Winnebago for not putting in their owners manual that she couldn't leave the drivers seat while cruise control was on. After getting on the freeway, she turned on cruise control at 70 MPH and proceeded to get up to make a sandwich. Surprisingly the motor home didn't make a turn and the vehicle jumped a curb and rolled down a bank. The vehicle was totalled. The woman sues Winnebago and wins. Might want to sit down for this, $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago. Things like this make me wonder how humans are going to make it through the next decade let alone till some type of apocalypse. Maybe this is a big conspiracy to provide some anti-Darwinism theory with a reliable argument.


I just can't stop

addicted to music

While reading the newspaper today at work. (yes work is hard, even after discovering I can use the Internet.) I read that there are some people that listen to music called binaural beats. These sounds they call "idozers" are only effective through headphones. They emulate a different sound and frequency out of each speaker that your brain then combines into a single beat. They allegedly synchronize your brain to a specified wavelength. They can emmulate in you certain modes or have effects similar to tripping on acid or doing other illegal drugs. Scientists are arguing over if this is a viable claim or not. If so it would be very helpful for people with depression, addiction, anxiety or other mental issues. This could also be a way for poor people to try cocaine.
I personally dont see why it cant be effective. There is soo much we dont know about the human body, and even more about our minds and psyche. I know that music has always had an effect on me. What you listen to determines your mood, or vice versa almost constantly.

Side note: Bastet caught a bat flying around in my room the other night. Don't know how it got there because none of the windows were open. I did a little research and they can crawl through the darndest cracks. An average brown bat can squeeze through a hole no bigger than a dime, or a crack 3/8 of an inch wide. It scared the hell out of me because Bastet was jumping all over like crazy and when i turned to look at him the bat was flying at my face. After I was able to turn on the light I saw Bastet standing over it on the floor. I am soo glad I wasnt sleeping. I scooped him up in a dustpan and took him outside but he wasnt easy to catch or to hold on the pan without him trying to crawl onto my hand....eww.

Over a month

Well one month has gone by since my last post. Not much has changed. Every step forward is followed by two steps backwards. I am dissatisfied with my current state and every attempt to change such state is met with great resistance. My supervisor at my current job broke his leg. So now on top of picking up his hours between two other people, I also get to make schedules and do all the office paperwork that he used to do and my other coworker is unable to comprehend.
I don't understand. I am a smart person, I love to do hard work, and yet I am working a barely over minimum wage job. I guess I always figured good things happen to good people, but I seem to be disappointingly proven wrong at every aspect. Good news is that working 60 hours a week will actually allow me to work with a budget that is somewhat closer to actually living.
If you have never tried to live on a budget let me tell you it is one of the hardest things. It is easy to stay under budget when you only have that much money... because you cant over spend. The hard part is determining what are the priorities and where the small amount of funds you have should go.

If you havent heard of it you should check it out. Dr. Horrible's sing along blog. I know what you are thinking... "not a chance" but it is really funny and has some pretty famous people in it. I laughed in great quantity.

A collage

You find the most awesome sites Jo.