I miss the rain, or more specifically I miss storms. There is just something about storms that make me feel alive and powerful. I currently feel an intense need to just stand out in the rain and let its cold rivulets run down my body. I have been working like crazy, and now the new schedule has me working 1st 2nd and 3rd shift all in one week. As you can imagine this I am vehemently opposed to. I spoke with my new supervisor (which I feel is completely incompetant) and was told that he made the new schedule so he could have the weekends off, no lie, and it was to help get me off of a quick turn around. When I told him I was against it he said in a few weeks after some event he has going on some weekend we will switch back to the old schedule. I dont know how many people know my old schedule but it was also horrid. I worked 2nd shift mon, 3rd shift tues, wed, and then 2nd on thurs, fri. This was a bad setup because between 3rd on wed and 2nd on tues was only a 8 hour gap. It takes me between 35-45 minutes to drive each way every day. Now I suppossedly have thursday and friday off, but work until 7am on thursday. So no I am not ignoring you if I dont reply to a text or an IM, I am just totally fricken burning out.
I just need to feel a storm.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Society
Our society today is going insane. A woman from Oklahoma sued Winnebago for not putting in their owners manual that she couldn't leave the drivers seat while cruise control was on. After getting on the freeway, she turned on cruise control at 70 MPH and proceeded to get up to make a sandwich. Surprisingly the motor home didn't make a turn and the vehicle jumped a curb and rolled down a bank. The vehicle was totalled. The woman sues Winnebago and wins. Might want to sit down for this, $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago. Things like this make me wonder how humans are going to make it through the next decade let alone till some type of apocalypse. Maybe this is a big conspiracy to provide some anti-Darwinism theory with a reliable argument.
I just can't stop
I just can't stop
Monday, August 11, 2008
addicted to music
While reading the newspaper today at work. (yes work is hard, even after discovering I can use the Internet.) I read that there are some people that listen to music called binaural beats. These sounds they call "idozers" are only effective through headphones. They emulate a different sound and frequency out of each speaker that your brain then combines into a single beat. They allegedly synchronize your brain to a specified wavelength. They can emmulate in you certain modes or have effects similar to tripping on acid or doing other illegal drugs. Scientists are arguing over if this is a viable claim or not. If so it would be very helpful for people with depression, addiction, anxiety or other mental issues. This could also be a way for poor people to try cocaine.
I personally dont see why it cant be effective. There is soo much we dont know about the human body, and even more about our minds and psyche. I know that music has always had an effect on me. What you listen to determines your mood, or vice versa almost constantly.
Side note: Bastet caught a bat flying around in my room the other night. Don't know how it got there because none of the windows were open. I did a little research and they can crawl through the darndest cracks. An average brown bat can squeeze through a hole no bigger than a dime, or a crack 3/8 of an inch wide. It scared the hell out of me because Bastet was jumping all over like crazy and when i turned to look at him the bat was flying at my face. After I was able to turn on the light I saw Bastet standing over it on the floor. I am soo glad I wasnt sleeping. I scooped him up in a dustpan and took him outside but he wasnt easy to catch or to hold on the pan without him trying to crawl onto my hand....eww.
I personally dont see why it cant be effective. There is soo much we dont know about the human body, and even more about our minds and psyche. I know that music has always had an effect on me. What you listen to determines your mood, or vice versa almost constantly.
Side note: Bastet caught a bat flying around in my room the other night. Don't know how it got there because none of the windows were open. I did a little research and they can crawl through the darndest cracks. An average brown bat can squeeze through a hole no bigger than a dime, or a crack 3/8 of an inch wide. It scared the hell out of me because Bastet was jumping all over like crazy and when i turned to look at him the bat was flying at my face. After I was able to turn on the light I saw Bastet standing over it on the floor. I am soo glad I wasnt sleeping. I scooped him up in a dustpan and took him outside but he wasnt easy to catch or to hold on the pan without him trying to crawl onto my hand....eww.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Over a month
Well one month has gone by since my last post. Not much has changed. Every step forward is followed by two steps backwards. I am dissatisfied with my current state and every attempt to change such state is met with great resistance. My supervisor at my current job broke his leg. So now on top of picking up his hours between two other people, I also get to make schedules and do all the office paperwork that he used to do and my other coworker is unable to comprehend.
I don't understand. I am a smart person, I love to do hard work, and yet I am working a barely over minimum wage job. I guess I always figured good things happen to good people, but I seem to be disappointingly proven wrong at every aspect. Good news is that working 60 hours a week will actually allow me to work with a budget that is somewhat closer to actually living.
If you have never tried to live on a budget let me tell you it is one of the hardest things. It is easy to stay under budget when you only have that much money... because you cant over spend. The hard part is determining what are the priorities and where the small amount of funds you have should go.
If you havent heard of it you should check it out. Dr. Horrible's sing along blog. I know what you are thinking... "not a chance" but it is really funny and has some pretty famous people in it. I laughed in great quantity.
I don't understand. I am a smart person, I love to do hard work, and yet I am working a barely over minimum wage job. I guess I always figured good things happen to good people, but I seem to be disappointingly proven wrong at every aspect. Good news is that working 60 hours a week will actually allow me to work with a budget that is somewhat closer to actually living.
If you have never tried to live on a budget let me tell you it is one of the hardest things. It is easy to stay under budget when you only have that much money... because you cant over spend. The hard part is determining what are the priorities and where the small amount of funds you have should go.
If you havent heard of it you should check it out. Dr. Horrible's sing along blog. I know what you are thinking... "not a chance" but it is really funny and has some pretty famous people in it. I laughed in great quantity.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
My new self
Figured out a way to link my blog to facebook so it should increase my audience a bit.
So I am going gray. It was just a few hairs at first, no one else noticed because they don't look at me up close. Now I have a small patch at my right temple that is rather obvious. It is a month before my 25th birthday and I feel that before I hit 30 I will close to completely gray. It runs in my family and I was expecting it so it doesn't really bother me. Who knows maybe it will make me look more distinguished.
Relationship-wise I have no idea what I'm doing. I met a girl at the club and was interested and she told me she would call me but didn't. I have started talking with a girl that is totally awesome and cute, but she lives like 5 hours away, and I don't think anything will happen with that. I have great friends that I hardly ever talk to. Like I said last post I feel like a zombie.
Work-wise I have been slacking, I have been working with my security and neglecting everything else. I shamble to work and come home 8 hours later totally exhausted no matter how long I had off or slept that day before work. I should have stuck with Primerica right from the get go. I haven't done an appointment in about a month and a half at least. It is hard to be around positive people when all you want to do is crawl in a hole. I need to get back to my old positive self. I will.
It is time for me to redefine the me I will be and winnow the wheat from the chaff as it were. I need to be a new person because I am not happy with the me I am. It is time I do everything I do with everything I got!
-Jim
So I am going gray. It was just a few hairs at first, no one else noticed because they don't look at me up close. Now I have a small patch at my right temple that is rather obvious. It is a month before my 25th birthday and I feel that before I hit 30 I will close to completely gray. It runs in my family and I was expecting it so it doesn't really bother me. Who knows maybe it will make me look more distinguished.
Relationship-wise I have no idea what I'm doing. I met a girl at the club and was interested and she told me she would call me but didn't. I have started talking with a girl that is totally awesome and cute, but she lives like 5 hours away, and I don't think anything will happen with that. I have great friends that I hardly ever talk to. Like I said last post I feel like a zombie.
Work-wise I have been slacking, I have been working with my security and neglecting everything else. I shamble to work and come home 8 hours later totally exhausted no matter how long I had off or slept that day before work. I should have stuck with Primerica right from the get go. I haven't done an appointment in about a month and a half at least. It is hard to be around positive people when all you want to do is crawl in a hole. I need to get back to my old positive self. I will.
It is time for me to redefine the me I will be and winnow the wheat from the chaff as it were. I need to be a new person because I am not happy with the me I am. It is time I do everything I do with everything I got!
-Jim
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wow, forever
So I was told that I cannot read blogs unless I update my own. Then I realized it had been over a month. So unsure where to start I will start now and work backwards.
I feel so much like a zombie. I have things to look forward to but my work schedule leaves much to be desired. I often work 8 hours then have 8 hours off only to be back to work later the same day.
I am getting back into Primerica, for a long time I was having trouble maintaining a positive outlook. It is still hard at times, memories come unbidden that used to bring a smile to my face. I spent the last weekend in Rhode Island going to a friend's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and we had a ton of fun. Went sailing and spent a few too many hours in the sun. I asked myself a few times why there was a free open bar and I had to drive. Me and my room mate both have the sunburns to prove we had a good time.
Am I good enough? I think the question should be is just good enough, good enough? Am I good enough to be a security officer... yes, therefore I know that isn't what I want to be. I once said, do everything you do with everything you got. We all want things that are challenging without being impossible. Am I good enough to be a doctor? absolutely not... I may have the dexterity and the patients ;) but I don't have the knowledge. It is in human nature to never reach that good enough stage in parts of our life. Bill Gates wont turn to his accountant one day and say $70 billion is good enough just stop giving me money kthxbai. The trick isn't to always get what you want, but to want what you get... I digress.
I am slowly getting a new plan or picture for my future. I am moving out come the end of the month from an apartment to a house. It needs a little work but it will be good to get out into the country again. It is only like 5 miles from the highway, but there are trails in the woods and such. I am thankful I found Primerica when I did. I doubt now I would be have been able to start something so new and complex at this point in my life. I am an optimist just sometimes it is soo damn had to find the positive in things.
I will try to post more often seeing as how I read your guys posts almost everyday .
-just jim
I feel so much like a zombie. I have things to look forward to but my work schedule leaves much to be desired. I often work 8 hours then have 8 hours off only to be back to work later the same day.
I am getting back into Primerica, for a long time I was having trouble maintaining a positive outlook. It is still hard at times, memories come unbidden that used to bring a smile to my face. I spent the last weekend in Rhode Island going to a friend's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and we had a ton of fun. Went sailing and spent a few too many hours in the sun. I asked myself a few times why there was a free open bar and I had to drive. Me and my room mate both have the sunburns to prove we had a good time.
Am I good enough? I think the question should be is just good enough, good enough? Am I good enough to be a security officer... yes, therefore I know that isn't what I want to be. I once said, do everything you do with everything you got. We all want things that are challenging without being impossible. Am I good enough to be a doctor? absolutely not... I may have the dexterity and the patients ;) but I don't have the knowledge. It is in human nature to never reach that good enough stage in parts of our life. Bill Gates wont turn to his accountant one day and say $70 billion is good enough just stop giving me money kthxbai. The trick isn't to always get what you want, but to want what you get... I digress.
I am slowly getting a new plan or picture for my future. I am moving out come the end of the month from an apartment to a house. It needs a little work but it will be good to get out into the country again. It is only like 5 miles from the highway, but there are trails in the woods and such. I am thankful I found Primerica when I did. I doubt now I would be have been able to start something so new and complex at this point in my life. I am an optimist just sometimes it is soo damn had to find the positive in things.
I will try to post more often seeing as how I read your guys posts almost everyday .
-just jim
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